Fertility Planning
“We need to talk tonight.”
“About what?”
“Reviewing our fertility plan.”
Silence. A sigh. “Yes, let’s do that.”
This is not how either my husband or I really wanted to spend our Monday night – settling into an oversized movie chair for Ron Howard’s new movie, Frost/Nixon, sounded way better. But we both know the effects of making and reviewing a fertility plan – the best of which are: clarity and hope.
My husband and I on the top of a mountain last September
So we settled into our usual planning area, a couple of cushions on the living room floor, and looked at the plan we drew up last year sometime after my miscarriage.
The old fertility planning looked like this:
- Repeat liver cleanse and gallbladder flush
- Research and implement the best fertility diet
- Begin daily weight lifting
- Go back for fertility mud baths
- Go to Sharkey’s Healing Center for herbal treatment
- Head to the infertility clinic
I did steps one through four. So why not move on to step five? Because two things happened: I learned that it usually takes between three to eight months for natural fertility treatments to heal the reproductive system and because my body has been transformed beyond my expectations by my fertility diet: my acne disappeared, my digestive system became regular and my energy returned. Best of all my cycles went from 44 to 39 to 36 days.
It seems like I am on to something – something that is making me healthier and more fertile.
Revising the fertility plan to give the fertility diet the time it needs to heal my body seems like the smartest thing we can do. But how long? Should we wait the full eight months?
Surprisingly, this was relatively easy to decide.
We talked about it for all of about ten minutes and decided that I’ll do the fertility diet for three more months by itself and then I will add three complementary treatments that I did before I had my positive pregnant test last year: castor oil packs, Mayan abdominal massage and fertility mud baths. We’ll give the fertility diet and these complementary treatments the full eight months to heal my body – before moving on to herbs and then conventional medicine.
Eight months. Yes, this sounds very long to me.
I’m almost 32 years old – just three years away from the age many studies suggest fertility begins declining for most women, so it’s hard to give these treatments eight full months, but nothing I’ve tried has had such a positive effect on addressing the source of my problems and healing my body than the fertility diet.
I’ve been following the ideal fertility diet for a couple months now but, we’re going to start counting the eight month period at the beginning of January since I fell off the fertility diet wagon over New Years. I suffered the consequences and had to start over in bringing my body back into balance.
Following the fertility diet for three months before adding the complementary treatments was my husband’s idea and it’s a good one for two reasons:
- Three months is generally the time it takes for the body to recover: It’s the time, for example, that conventional medicine often stipulates is needed to fully recover from surgery and it’s the time natural fertility experts often recommend as a minimum for treatment to take effect. So, since the fertility diet is healing my body, we’re giving it three full three months to do so, solo, in the hopes that it fixes a few of my other lingering problems: breakthrough bleeding, my short luteal phase and my still too long cycles.
- Also, we’re moving and three months is about the time we need to settle into our new place. Seemingly unrelated to fertility, moving and implementing other fertility treatments would be counterproductive since squeezing them into our schedule is likely to add a good deal of stress.
So, the new fertility planning looks like this:
- Continue following fertility diet
- In about three months go for 3 weeks of Mayan abdominal massages
- After the massages begin 2 weeks of fertility mud baths
- After the baths begin castor oil packs for two cycles
- In August 2009 go to Sharkey’s Healing Center for herbal treatment
- After 3 months of herbal treatment head to the infertility clinic
This looks like a plan. A done deal. But not so fast. Our fertility planning didn’t go quite that smoothly. At step six we hit a kink – a very big kink.
We agree on the plan and all its details up until “head to the infertility clinic”. Right now we have no solution for, or have the faintest clue how we can solve our very big difference of opinion: we are both open to the infertility clinic up until the point the doctor recommends IVF. I would consider trying IVF if the natural fertility treatments do not work on their own. My husband is not open to trying IVF – under any circumstances.
Right now we’ve agreed to disagree. We see no solution.
Since we’ve seen how quickly things can change in fertility planning, though, we have decided to discuss this further only if we get there. I think it’s important that we both know how the other feels but, we can’t do any more than that right now – respect each others’ feelings and opinions. I’m hopeful that we will never come to this decision.
Right now, I’m going continue following my fertility diet – one day at a time.
Posted: February 4th, 2009 under Fertility Planning.
Comments: 6
Comments
Comment from share the experience
Time: February 7, 2009, 12:48 pm
Can you/do you mind sharing why your husband is opposed to IVF?
Comment from admin
Time: February 10, 2009, 4:34 pm
I don’t mind sharing, in fact, your question sparked me to ask my husband – just to verify that I really do know why and don’t just think I know.
It turns out I was partially right but I learned more (I only knew the first reason)…
He’s against IVF because he feels it’s too extreme. He’s concerned about the increased risks it poses to my health (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, drug side effects, plus the new research that IVF may have an increased risk of birth defects).
*I understand but would considering taking these risks.
He does not trust the doctors at our fertility clinic – we’ve tried all the clinics around us.
*I don’t either and would travel to another clinic for a good doc.
He does not want our life to revolve around having a child, which he feels; if we do IVF will be unavoidable.
*I think it does to a certain extent already.
He’s seen others suffer (emotionally and physically) while going through IVF procedures and does not want us to subject ourselves to it.
*I want a child even if it requires this added stress.
Comment from share the experience
Time: February 11, 2009, 12:47 am
Thank you for sharing that. My husband and I have started the conversation about “how far” we are willing to go with our efforts and the main one he has brought up is your #3 - to which my response is the same as yours!
I will continue to follow your progress with your plan and hopefully once I can kick my episode of cluster headaches I will be back on my herb/acupuncture/diet TTC “adventure” as well!
Comment from admin
Time: February 13, 2009, 8:23 am
It was really good to think and talk about the topic. Interesting how putting it into writing makes it clearer.
I hope your cluster headaches subside soon. Thanks for your comments and I look forward to reading your blogs. Good luck!
Comment from HusbandWhoHasBeenThroughIVFWithWife
Time: February 17, 2009, 9:56 pm
My wife and I went through 5 IVF cycles. This was after 9 unsuccessful IUIs and several years of natural methods before that. The first three IVFs were done at a local clinic (the clinic had about a 35% success rate). The last two IVFs were done at a world renowned clinic with over 70% success rate. Our fifth IVF was successful.
All of your husband’s points are valid. It is a risk to the mother. Local doctors are often not nearly as good as what is available elsewhere. It is an extreme emotional struggle when, after pouring your life and soul (not to mention an enormous amount of money) into IVF, the pregnancy test comes back negative. And it does tend to consume your life. Daily shots (sometimes twice), many many discussions, travel, planning, expenses, abnormal sex life, etc…
The upside is a child.
Every person is different, but you need to weigh your personal want for a child for how much you are willing to go through to have one. It is extremely important for the couple to discuss and consider each other’s own needs.
I was ready to call it quits after the 4th IVF. I was emotionally spent. I couldn’t stand to make another trip, administer daily shots, spend another $20,000, only to be disappointed in the end. My wife and I talked about it at length though, and, after considering her needs, I agreed that it was important to try one more time.
I’m glad we did.
Comment from Mick
Time: February 22, 2009, 11:12 pm
Sorry I’m just getting around to adding comments on this one. But, wanted to add a few “devil’s advocate” thoughts to consider…
Re: there being extra risks associated with IVF…after having been through the process multiple times, my personal feeling is that the health risks are quite low if you are being treated by a competent doctor. Any respectable clinic will monitor you very closely on a daily basis to avoid OHSS. If there are signs you are going to hyperstim, they will pull back on your meds dose, or worst case, cancel your cycle, or make you do a “freeze all”, where they retrieve the eggs, but do a frozen transfer later, to avoid a bad case of OHSS. The one place I could see there being a little more risk health-wise is due to the fact that you need general anesthesia for the retrieval. But, if you’ve had that before and not reacted badly, there wouldn’t seem to be much concern here either. You’re only “under” for the retrieval for a short time, 20-30 mins or so. What drug side-effects is he concerned about?? Other than making you sort of emotional, which they can do to some people, I’m not sure what side effects there are to be concerned about. That leads to the concern about not feeling like you have the right doctor…..and clearly you shouldn’t pursue care with someone you don’t trust. There are excellent clinics out there though if you want to find one.
And, in terms of the concern about IVF “taking over your life”…I’d have to agree that it does, but for a fixed period of time. So, if you know you’re going to do a cycle, you know it’s coming up, you mentally prepare for it, and then it lasts for those 2-3 weeks while you stim, do retrieval and transfer, and then wait the 2 weeks for results. It’s true that it will feel like the stakes are higer due to the extra expense, etc., and so you would be even more disappointed if it doesn’t work, but because it’s a fixed amount of time, I honestly feel like it “takes over your life” less than the neverending month after month of trying on your own. If the two of you were to agree “we’ll only try it once”, or “we’ll do a max of X number of IVF cycles”, then you know it’s not going to just be something that drags on and on, preventing you from planning life into the future. And, last thought….you surely know that when you do have a baby, it’s going to, in many ways “take over your life”….so, knowing that life as you know it will change is important to think about and come to terms with to make sure it’s what you both really want.
Re: the emotional strain….this is certainly a factor. The stakes are higher with an IVF cycle, because of the cost and the extra steps you’re taking to complete the cycle…that if it fails, certainly the fall feels farther and harder than if it was a natural cycle. But, is this a reason not to do it?? If you were to reach a point where there is a decent reason to think that IVF could be your road to a baby, but there is no guarantee…you have to ask why not try it? If the reason is primarily because it would be too upsetting if it doesn’t work….aren’t you taking yourself straight to that outcome if you decide that road isn’t an option for fear of the disappointment? That said - I’ve known many people who reach a point and say enough is enough. Or, who just don’t want to take their treatment to that next level….and that is a very personal decision that should be respected no matter the reason. I just think it’s important to really disect the feelings, because sometimes on the surface they aren’t really the same as what’s underneath.
Finally - one think you didn’t mention is the financial aspect, which I think is very important to consider. How would it impact you and your family-planning (or other life goals) if you were to invest the money in a cycle (or multiple cycles) and they fail….leaving you not only with the disappointment but a financial problem as well. This is a real issue for many couples, and often the one that divides them on whether to pursue a cycle or not. If you have insurance coverage, or money isn’t an issue for whatever reason, this is a big obstacle you don’t have to worry about, which is great.
I think it’s great the two of you are having frank discussions about what’s next in the “plan”. How long you will wait to move to the next step of the plan, and what that next step will be. I think the hardest is when you get to a point where you feel you’re lost and don’t have a next step at all. So, keep discussing and I’m sure you’ll get to a point where you can agree what’s right for the two of you.
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